Dear Alternate Universe Me,
If you happen to read this message a
couple of weeks ago... Stop what you are thinking! I know that you have
headaches every single day, I know your neck and shoulders throb
because you clench your teeth every single night. I understand that you
are fracturing your root canals because of the pressure you put on your
teeth. I get that you only get like 3 hours of sleep.... But, Braces?
Here is how it starts out... A couple of weeks ago, you get clips put in... (They fricken hurt!!! And fall out over the week. 😥 The next week you go back at 7:30 am to have brackets glued to each
tooth and crowny things with brackets on the inside and out wrapped
around your molars.
When the dentist goes to place the mid-evil
torture device retainer thing (that gets cranked daily to stretch your
pallet) he discovers that it was made wrong! Apparently when it was
custom built, they broke the mold literally and did not make room for
No big deal because it can just be sent back to the
lab... Across the country, to be remade. Not only is this a show
stopper... But it also puts an end to any chewing that needs to happen.
It is ok, ya know come on back next week and hopefully, it will be back
from the lab!
You would think, that since my top teeth are
straight and my bottom teeth are 100% hidden when I bit prior to braces,
I should be able to have some sort of contact with some of my teeth....
But surprisingly, nothing works in my mouth! The brackets are all in
the way of the love affair my teeth have with each other... So close and
yet sooooo far. Good times...
So as I sit here now on the verge
of tomorrow, I think about you... My alternate universe self. In the
morning I make the two hour drive once again to the Orthodontist office
to hopefully get my wires, elastic's and torture rack installed. (Good
thing I love driving because I get to go back like every week to be
re-wired... No, this is not something my Master Electrician husband can
do... Apparently only a dentist can 'wire' a mouth!)
of tin grin to go... No big deal, I have made it through two weeks
already. Tears can be dried each time I think of the food that I can no
longer eat, it is only a little embarrassing when the waitress asks what
I would like to order and I say I will just watch everyone else eat.
It is just a good thing I like yogurt, porridge, soup, rice noodles and
Jello. (I am giving Utah a run for its Jello consumption record.)
I am sure everything will go smoothly... But if you want my advice,
other me...smash your face into a brick wall and just get all new dental
implants, while lazily enjoying a stay in the hospital... At least you
will be asleep while they do it and you can wake up better then new.
That way, you won't have to deal with all of the people saying, "why,
at your age would you ever get braces... "Or, "you don't even see your
bottom teeth, don't be so vain!"
It is ok me... Since it is
world water day, I am going to put some wax on my teeth and add to the
world water levels by crying in my pillow! (I will squeeze the water
into a jar in the morning, ok we both know it will be tears and slobber
but it is water, right!)
Just remember, I love you, no one
better than me knows exactly what I am going through! Two years will be
over in a blink of an eye, and as another humanitarian contribution to
the world, I may start stock piling all of the food that I get stuck in
my teeth.. It could already fed a small country!
I got this!
Me (Marcia encase you forgot you were reading a letter to myself silly, me!)
*** To everyone else who read this letter to Me. If you are thinking
to yourself, well, you could afford to go awhile without a sandwich or
five... Well that is not very nice! You should feel bad for saying that,
besides unless a momma bird were to first eat the sandwich and then
feed it back to me out of her little bird mouth, I couldn't eat a
sandwich even if I wanted one! So, don't be a jerk! You are the one
reading someone else's note remember.
Please note, I am funny
and I wrote this little note to me, to make myself feel better. And to
read back to myself in a couple of days and think ... Ha, ha ,ha ...
remember back a couple of days ago when I was whining about how much it
sucked to not be able to eat anything? Well, that was Nothing.... Have I
got a story for you!!!!